Ouch, since I have my Romanian blog this one gets less and less attention, although it has been my trusty companion since 2005. I managed to practice my English, listen to myself through it, keep track of my thoughts and happenings. All my troubles, joys, self and job searches have gone through here. The funny part is the Romanian blog, although new, gets a lot of feedback, I met many wonderful and unknown people this way. At the same time I'd like to keep writing in English, without translating from one blog to another, or keep re-counting the same things.
This year will be decisive, meaning I might take the way back to Romania. I don't call it home, as I kind of lost the feeling of what home might be. I travelled so much, liked so many things, loved and befriended so many people that it's hard to say. Home might be where your mom is as well. Maybe. My mom shared quite a few destinations with me and we both have an wandering spirit, only hers could not fly free during the dark socialism years.
I don't belong to Canada more than I belong anywhere else. Could be that I don't feel there is a Canadian identity, but just a few values, such as human and civil rights, nature and wide spaces, ecology. A country of simple honest people that just want to live quietly and honestly. A country of no excess. And it seems that even deep in my thirties I still need some kind of spiritual excess, that you can only find here close to the First Nations and the Inuits I guess.
I just got my citizenship but the ceremony felt like one more immigration formality, I literally felt like we were cattle, waiting to be branded (we were all designed by numbers), with a nice maple leaf. Although, looking around me, I saw many hopeful happy faces, of people coming from countries much more problematic than Romania, who really praised the promise of a land where race or religion is not important, as long as you behave like a good citizen. I admit that I am kind of spoiled by destiny, roaming free through life, pretty much as I please, although I had to pay my prices too and I always earned my living. Pretty soon I'll have my master's diploma and the passport. And a decision to make, possibly.
J'ai lu cette série et quelques autres textes. Avec grand intérêt. Je te comprends mieux par écrit, même en anglais, que quand tu parles quatre langues à la fois, en cinquième vitesse. Faut dire que je suis un peu sourde et moins douée que toi pour les langues. Tu écris bien.
ReplyDeleteJ'ai connu l'absence de racines, l'errance, sans même avoir bougé d'ici. Plus jeune.
Finalement, il faut décider de refermer son univers sur quelque chose, me disait un ami autrefois. Il nous faut ciconscrire un jardin, sinon le monde est sans fin et notre vie ne trouve pas sa tangente. Ça semble absurde de se desiner un carré de sable quand le monde entier nous appelle. À y errer, cependant. Ses racines empêchent l'arbre de voyager mais lui permettent de résister aux tempêtes.
Bonne nuit, Antoaneta.
Dominique G.