Between 2010 and 2011

Barcelona (Montjuïc)


Bucarest (from the plane)

I had a two months break which haven't brought many news. The winter cold joined to the lack of general heating in most Barcelona homes tempered my initial enthusiasm that gave way to reason and pondering. Against all odds my good mood stands still, facing the gloomy situation. I live with little, but enough for housing, food and going out every now and then. I suffer for having lost my routine, soon there will be a year since then. Mornings are terrible, I stopped enjoying having them to myself, I need to be active, to have something to do, somewhere to go to , that's not the library or the seaside. Nevertheless, I can't stop enjoying Barcelona, disfrutar is a good word. Just the way you enjoy an exquisite meal, Thai for instance, every bite it's an opportunity to savour the different flavours reaching perfection.

Luckily enough, I go on with my Catalan classes three times a week and my poetry group performances, which got great press coverage lately, partly due to my efforts to get in touch with the local newspapers and people interested in poetry. I keep meeting fantastic motivating people and this keeps me convinced that I made the right choice, even if my job search seems a neverending job itself.

Even the apartment I live in now it's a life lesson per se, I found an announcement in the Romanian goodies shop. I love my room, it has a balcony , the light I was longing for and enough space for a desk, beside the big bed and the huge closet (plenty of place for all my skeletons). My roommates are the most unusual I've ever had, they belong to the Romanian working class and came here from different smaller cities, like many others, to make money they invest in housing in our beloved country that we don't live in. Or to bring half of their family here, if it's the case. So they don't care much about going out or doing things, as they care about saving to the limit. Enjoying life is a strange concept to them. They're people I had very tiny chances to meet anywhere else but here and now. It's touching and a bit scary at the same, to see how different we are, and to notice that I am so lucky after all to have studied and traveled the world. Having enriching friends and relationships and good interesting jobs on top of it.

Christmas home was delightful, after 6 years of absence at this time of the year. And still, the gray Bucharest, the general feeling of laisser-aller that reigns in the streets and most public spaces filled me with sadness and disgust. Even the Health Insurance Bucharest headquarters were a shameful mess, bordering an area of dull apartment buildings and humble houses where street dogs still roam dangerously free. On the other side the first shopping mall that opened in 2000, Bucharest being the same patchwork of miserable baroque post-communist post-modern post-civilised world. I managed to feel the season's joy only by leaving the outside behind the closed doors, sharing with very special friends and close to my family, now richer with my sister's new born son. Although I don't have a home there in Romania anymore, our home is now rented and I had to run between four houses at some point, looking for my winter clothes, staying over with mom and visiting my sister and the baby. In a way it's better to know that somehow I cut my way back, didn't I always wanted to live by the Mediterranean, cradle of European civilizations and cultures? Well, here I am, now I have to live up to it, or better said, to work out my place here.

No November rain

Barcelona, full of sun, full of colours, a few warm autumn shades here and there. I was in Madrid for a job interview, it had a stronger autumn smell, matching the season's foliage, more obvious than here. I look at my photographs from last year's hike in Vermont, the trees branches were already nude and the mountains turned brown. It seems like ages ago, so faraway, in a different life. And still, I feel a little nostalgic when I think about the firtrees smell and the bright blue lakes. Nostalgic and grateful for all the great moments I spent there.

Today I went for another hike through the Collserola area, less green and dustier, more urbanized, but still pretty woods.



Life is made of different patchwork like places, people and experiences, what matters is to know nothing is forever, you have to let go when you can't hold on. And be grateful for what you get, I am probably one of the luckiest people I know.

Waiting room overlooking the Mediterranean

The Germans have a saying: Alle Anfang ist schwer - all beginnings are hard. Starting over for the umpty umpth time at almost thirty six (well, one day away by now) is certainly hard for me. And I wonder how smart it was to stay home in Bucharest for five months, as it broke my heart leaving the house I grew up in, that in end I was sharing with barely my cat. Certainly, I have a strong affinity with Spanish culture, I am eager to learn more about Catalunya and I've always dreamed to live close to the Mediterranean, this space where cultures met, clashed and eventually mixed. The trendy and touristy Barcelona certainly doesn't attract me at all, but I am fascinated by its long history and beautiful imaginative buildings. Besides, it's a very functional city, where transports and cleaning work pretty well, and so far people seem to be very nice and helpful, from the bank clerk who gave me visitor information when I went to open my account, to the people who explained me thoroughly the annual celebration - Festa Major, of the sea town Sitges.

I have a strange feeling of being in the right place at the right time, although the job market is a mess, and at the same time I can tell I won't be staying here forever, my guess is that I will move further South, in Spain or another country. But for now I have to stay and learn some new life lessons here. The six months since I left my last job start to weigh on me, I need to keep myself busy, and not exactly entertained, that wouldn't be enough, and it requires money too. Since I came three weeks ago everything has fallen into place, except medical insurance, which depends on my social status: student, worker or no income person. The PhD programme won't start until October and jobs are hard to get, there are many Spaniards and Europeans in competition, although my knowledge of languages and international studies and experience are good assets.

I miss my cat, I wish I could bring her over as soon as possible, but my roomie, who happens to be nice, is allergic at animal hair. At least it's easy to make new friends, I tried the Meetup groups of interest and they work well here too, I can't wait to go hiking this Saturday and the next whole week-end. Nature and art are my best friends when the dark thoughts overcome my enthusiasm.

MAY 26 - ANOTHER GRAY DAY

993 days ago

In Bucharest, Barcelona and Rome my friends are talking about going to the seaside for the week-end. Here it started dripping again. Funny kind of late spring.

Know what? I might have only a few years left around here... Maybe

May 21, 06 - I'M FED UP COUNTING MY MONEY:(

997 days ago

I found out Friday that I'll get 2 weeks holiday, although I started working with this company only at the end of March. My first reaction was to check the flights for Spain in June, imagining they would be cheaper than the rest of the summer. Wrong! Nothing less than $1200. Keeping in mind I want to start a master in September and buy a laptop soon, it's not the best idea. I'll probably do something around the Belle Province - Québec's surname. Patience, patience, for how long still?

I feel so frustrated though, it's been years since I'm planning to go see some of Spain and I kept delaying it for the time/money reasons. From the holidays point of view, the usual 2 weeks plus the distances don't make Canada a livable kind of place. I love travelling and I don't see myself being limited at 14 days a year, for at least 5 years, within the same company. Then I would get one week more, and after 10 years, 2. If you change company - back to starting point).

Europe - I miss it so much. Although I have to admit my quality of life, culture wise, foodwise, is better in Montréal than in Bucharest, due to more variety of choice. And I'm not allowed to live in E.U. yet. Maybe next year.

I do realize emigrating to North America at 30 and not at 20 raises an adaptation problem. My personality and tastes are already built up and not prone to change. Maybe if I already had other values and longings. But I don't, and I feel I can't find myself here. Anyway, I still have two years to decide, and destiny has its twists and turns

APRIL 19, 06 - SOMETIMES IT FEELS GREAT TO BE ROMANIAN

1029 days ago

An old lady I know from the church, who lives on my street, just knocked at my door. She brought me "coliva", a sweet made of boiled wheat with sugar and walnuts, that we make only for burial ceremonies and anniversaries. We have this habit of sharing food and wine for the soul of our dear departed, maybe based on old pre-christian tradition, in order to assure him/her is nourished in the other world.

I was so touched she thought of me (she didn't even know my name), and also by the symbolic of the gesture.

MARCH 14, 06 - BACK ON TRACK?

1065 days ago

Unemployment paid, the full amount since January 15 to now. My volunteer job at the International Festival of Film on Art allowed me to spend a few moments with some talented people I picked from the airport. Not a long time...but still quality time.

I also met a film director from Romania - Laurentiu Damian, he has a film in the festival. I knew him since I was 18...attending the free film direction classes meant for future students at the Theatre and Film Academy. I found him fascinating then - smart, cultured and passionate. I also saw and liked one of the two fiction films he made, in 1992, since then he kept on making only documentaries (see his picture in my spring photos!). And we also had the same French teacher - Sanda Mucha, a very nice lady. So 13 years after I have the opportunity to talk to him in Montreal. He's 50 now. We talked for almost an hour, I found he didn't change much. Just a bit bitter - things in Romania aren't going swell on the films side either. I found him sensitive and warm.

So I gathered 4 other people to go see his short film about a Romanian craftsman/artist Thursday. It occurs to me that finding people with whom to make documentaries would be great - a way to reunite many of my passions and qualifications. My master in communication is at the same location as the media school. Looking forward to September and studying again.

I also have an interview for a job on Friday...so it looks like things settle. I wonder though, I'm a bit afraid to think things are starting to make sense.

September 23, 05 - I remembered...

1238 days ago

...the other things that crossed my mind yesterday, especially under the influence of Quo Vadis, Baby (italian film, originally a book, the title is a quote from The Last Tango in Paris by Bertolucci).

I think I'm esentially a nostalgic, grew up in an old house, beautiful but falling apart, close to the historical ruined center of Bucharest, studied in old schools up to the age of 18 and fell in love with the image of the interbelic Bucharest (basically the 20es and the 30es).

Those were the golden days - beautiful neo-classic and cubist buildings, the emergence of a neo-Romanian style, arts, culture and industry were flourishing. My grand grand grand father immigrated from northern Italy (Veneto area) to Romania looking for a better life.

So looking at that dark movie filmed mostly in the city of Bologna, unknown to me, and showing briefly my beloved Roma, I realised how much I am attached to the beauty of the past - the way it is now, no when it was bright new. I like faded gold, chipped furniture and tiles - things that show they have a past. I like decadence, I feel the fast pace the world has now, all this new shapes in design that make me think about a waiting area in a hospital are isolating me.

It doesn't mean I like gloomy ambiance, I love the big windows and light - I just feel maybe I would have been better off living in a different time, where there was less plastic in the world, when fashion was not changing over night and things were made to last.

Just spoke to one Chinese housekeeper, she was cleaning the toilets - she spent four years in Roma before coming here, so we shared for a few minutes our memories of the Eternal city.