MARCH 2 - DEEP DEEP DOWN:(

1077 days ago

Why?

After seeing that great flamenco show with Nuevo Ballet Español from Madrid - all vibration and lust for life? Flamenco is pain, flamenco is joy, alone, in couple or with others. It is a dance about feeling intense emotions and expressing them with all your energy and convictions. A dance about being alive and screaming it out loud...with all your body. This company is good too - two young dancers are the leaders and their whole team is just as young and convincing. Simple costumes, beautiful lighting, gifted musicians.

And last Friday - the Shen Wei experience. First Stravinsky's "Rite of Spring" - geometrical and in shades of gray, abstract dance following only the musical phrases without trying to tell a story. Then "Folding" - visually amazing, with harmonies of white and red and black, slowly moving on Buddhist incantations.

And after this - Damian Nisenson's kletzmer jazz - an Argentinian musician I met the Sunday before in café, during a debate in Spanish about the World Social Forum.

So why am I down? Well, my bank account is running low (again!) because the unemployment didn't pay me since January 19. I made the mistake of working as a hostess at the Car Show, and leaving after 3 days, Jan. 20 to 22. Penalty of 1 week pay. It took them 3 weeks to call me to find out what happened and then they called the hostess agency. Then they found out from the employer that I might go back to study. No one is admissible for unemployment unless one is continously looking for a job. So Wednesday I went back there with a list of potential employers, dates and jobs I applied for. Hopefully it should satisfy them and eventually payment will come soon enough.

A friend is helping me out with the tax calculation. News! I have to pay $500 for the public medical insurance and about $800 because the 2 hotels where I worked calculated my taxes as if I was getting money only from one side (the smaller the amount, the smaller the taxes).

I wanted to start a course already this summer, a professor I met from Uruguay is giving it, it could be part of my later master. I don't think it would be possible anymore...need a job and quick. And guess what? That's not easy either.

So here I am: $1300 debt by end of April, no credit cards, no money getting in, just fear, worries, anxiety. Feel the world is a jungle and I'm so lost in it. More than ever.